Best Birthday Ever! (2P F.A.C.E. x Reader)

By his humble request, Artie was going to have birthday party. He wanted his whole family to come and gave them the Artie guilt trip, into going. Meaning, he gave them each the puppy eyes and threatened he’ll show them his entire collection and carousel of pictures of their lives and his childhood. Needless to say, they all came. He asked Matthew to bring his girlfriend, _________. He liked having her around. Matthew didn’t mind, she actually made this shit tolerable.  

“So…what did you get Artie for his birthday?” she asked.

“No fucking clue,” said Matthew, “I just grabbed the first pink and blue thing I saw and came over to pick you up. I think it’s a tablecloth or something. What did you get?”

“Oh, I found a recipe book of desserts from all over the world. I hope he’ll like it,”

“He will,”

“Thanks for inviting me,”

“Pfft, he was the one who nagged me to bring you,”

“Don’t tell me I have to fight you, Alfred, and Artie away from me now,” she teased.

“First of all, Alfred knows better, second of all it’s your own damn fault for being so fucking cute around Artie. Be careful, he may make you into his dress up doll. Did the same shit to Al when we were kids,”

“Doll?”

“Dresses, hats, lace, frills, the whole nine yards,”

“…..is that the reason why he didn’t mess with you much in middle school?”

“Not unless he wanted that shit slipped into every locker,”

***
“Mattie! You made it! Poppet! It’s good to see you again! Please come in! Excuse the mess!” _______ often wondered what Artie’s definition of clean was. His home was always immaculate. Her home was tidy but would never be anywhere close to his. Inside the house, Artie beamed at the pair and puts a blue, glittery hat on Matthew and a pink ruffled hat on __________. Francis was in the corner looking less amused with a blue hat on. Alfred was on the other corner with the same look on his face with a pink hat. Artie was besides himself with happiness.

“I’m so happy everyone is here! Now we can play party games! I have piñata outside that’s just waiting to be smacked!” Alfred and Matthew’s ears perked. They had an opportunity to hit and break something! Alfred got his bat and headed outside. Matthew followed suit. Artie pats _____’s hand, “Come on now love! I have a nice bat for you!” Outside there was a large pink and blue cupcake piñata waiting for them. A large grin etched onto Alfred’s face. Before Artie could say anything, he took his bat and whacked it as hard as he could. The piñata wasn’t scathed.

“What the shit?!” Alfred whacked it again, still nothing. He glared and started beating it over and over and over but nothing, “What the fuck is this shit? Kryptonite?”

“Nope! I asked Yao to get the best piñata out there for me! Something that would take some effort to break so you and Mattie couldn’t have all of the fun,” said Artie smiling.

“That’s dirty, old man!” said Alfred who took this as a challenge to keep beating it. Matthew, who eventually became bored, shoved Alfred out of the way. He took his hockey stick and started beating and smacking at the piñata. He glared and eventually started beating at it with Al. Paper and cupboard started to fly off but the piñata was still intact.

“Way to look like a pussy in front of your girlfriend, Mattie,” said Al.

“At least I get pussy that isn’t paid for, shit stain,”

“Not in front of a lady!” Artie covered ______’s ears protectively and holding out the swear jar. They glared at each other and dropped the coins inside. It was now ______’s turn. She had fun beating it but didn’t make a dent. Artie grinned and took out a large mallet. In one swift motion, swung the mallet hard, and broke the piñata in half. Frosting and chocolate bit flew everywhere. Matthew and Alfred stared. Artie grinned.

“I guess I don’t know my own strength,”

“What is this?” ________ asked.

“Chocolate frosting! Isn’t it delicious?! Here! Help me eat this!”

“You were only able to break it because I loosened it up for you!” said Alfred

“How can he loosen a piñata, dumb shit!” said Matthew.

“Fuck you!”

“You would!” Artie and ________ ignored the pair as they licked and feasted upon their sugary treat. Alfred still rationalized why he couldn’t break the stupid piñata in half.

“I swear you cheated, old man,” said Alfred glaring.

“Nope, I’m getting stronger!” said Artie in a singsong voice, “You think lifting those cake pans, carrying those bags of flour, sugar, and opening my broiler is easy? I’m a little toughie!

“That and Alfred is regressing into his true form, a whiny bitch,” said Matthew. Alfred glared.

“At least I didn’t embarrass myself in front of mine,” Alfred ducked in time and the boys proceeded to fight again.

***
“Gift time!”

“I thought cake came first,” said _______

“Not today dear!” said Artie pinching her cheeks, “I have a special one made at the Bakery! We can all pick it up later! But right now, I’m curious to know what you all gave me! I’m so excited! The suspense is killing me! Let’s see here. This one is from Mattie!” Artie careful opens it. He then holds it up. Everyone’s eyes fell onto Matthew’s gift. Grabbing the first pink and blue thing he saw was true but what he grabbed was what was odd. He grabbed a pink and blue plaid knee skirt. _______’s eyes widened. She knew Matthew long enough to know what he most likely did. Strode into a store, didn’t care what store it was, found something pink and blue, looked at it, thought it was just something like a tablecloth, asked someone to wrap it, paid for it, and walked out. Alfred snorted. Francis face palmed looking at his son through his fingers. Tears welded into Artie’s eyes. _______ was expecting him to cry.

“Artie are you—?”

“IT’S BEAUTIFUL!” he squealed, “I love it! I’ve always wanted a kilt like Allistor’s but he said I wasn’t manly enough! But my manly Mattie thinks I’m manly enough!” he jumped into Matthew’s arms and hugged him tightly. He patted the man’s back awkwardly, “Oh! This can only get better!” he grabbed Alfred’s gift. Alfred, being more of the tactless one probably knew at some point that he wanted to get his father something nice and described him to a person whom probably though Artie was his gay roommate or something and recommended something to fit.  Knowing Alfred, he said probably said he was a strange, out of style, and loved pink, which is why he bought a pair of pink women’s Ugg boots. Matthew and Francis snorted looking at the gift, “Alfie! How did you know I needed new boots?!”

“Just a guess,” he pulled him into a hug too. Alfred cringed. He had tight grip. He then picks up ______’s gift.

“Recipes of the World: Apple Turnover to Zucchini Bread? My future daughter-in-law is so thoughtful!” he tackled hugged her. She reddened. Alfred smirked at Matthew who gave him the I-will-fucking-kill-you look. The last gift was from Francis. Artie held it up for all to see too. She now knew where Mattie got his gift picking from. Francis grabbed the first thing he saw that was a cerulean blue and looked okay. What he picked up was a ruffled shirt. Alfred and Matthew laughed hard.

“I didn’t know what to get you that weren’t kitchen shit since I already got you that damned oven for Christmas,”

“I like it! I like the color! Oh these will all go well with the gift that Lovi got me! I’ll be right back!” he grabbed all his things and went into his bedroom. The four sat in stunned silence, not knowing what to say.

“Do you think…you all hurt his feelings?” said _________

“He’s a tough old bird, he can handle anything,” said Alfred.

“But he does have those fucking confident issues,” said Matthew, “We all could have pissed him off,”

“I doubt it but then again, it’s his birthday, he’ll be fucking annoyingly happy all day,” said Francis. Artie emerged from his room. The four people in the room were speechless. He stood there proudly wearing the plaid skirt, the blue ruffle shirt, the pink boots, and pink tented sunglasses.

“I look fantastic don’t I?!”

“Ye-Yeah,” said Alfred chuckling in his hands, “Re-Really cool,”

“Wish it was me,” said Matthew burying his face in his hands, shaking from stifled laughter.

“It suits you,” said Francis refusing to look up.

“Colorful,” said _______ smiling pleasantly.

“So-So what did Lovi get you?”

“These really bloody awesome shades! Now I’m just as cool as my sons! He told me they’re super chic! Am I?”

“Work it, man,” said Alfred snapping his finger.

“You look absolutely adorable,” said __________.

“We can all have a team name!” Artie got in-between Alfred and Matthew, “The Sunglass Trio! The Chic Guys! The Cool Men!” Francis was not shaking from his chair and finally looked up at the sight of a proud Artie with his two unenthused sons, “OOH! Picture!”

“NO!” said the boys.

“We can do that…at the bakery,” said Matthew quickly.

“Well then, come on you lot!” said Artie, “We’re walking to the bakery! I want to show off my new threads and make a few of those treats from my new cookbook!” he giggled and pranced outside. Alfred and Matthew looked at Francis.

“Do you want to hurt his feelings?”

“Don’t really give a shit about that,” said Alfred.

“Then want to be poisoned, dumbass?” said Matthew.

“Touché,” they all followed Artie out the door.

“Next year, we will sit down and discuss this shit so nothing like that,” said Francis pointed to Artie, “Happens again. And remind me to fucking kill Lovino for getting him those sunglasses,”

“And think of it this way,” said ________, “You two can beat up anyone makes fun of him on our way over,” Matthew and Alfred stared at her.

“She’s a keeper,”