Joyeux Anniversaire (2P F.A.C.E. x Reader)

Francis sat in his study. He glared at the calendar. His birthday was coming up. He hated birthdays. He didn’t mind getting older without the notions of everything that came with it. No longer relating to anyone, no longer being able to enjoy solitude, no longer being able to join new things without being the older or senior of anything, then again he was jaded. He lived his life and he was actually okay with getting old without people thinking you’re suppose to act a certain way. He sighed and got up. He went towards the mirror. He was still a handsome man, bored as fuck but handsome. Since he couldn’t see Francine, he never thought he would ever be able to even smile again yet here he was, oddly okay with life now. He remembered the days where she could try to make his birthday special, special supper, special cake, special outing, hotter than hot sex and then sleep, that’s all he needed. He smiled at the thought then felt sad again. No one to fuck and no one to cared.

“Papa?” he turned. Matthew was standing at the door. He looked at the boy. He was growing up so fast. He looked at him with large purple eyes and that semi innocent face.

“What?”

“What do you want for your birthday?”

“Nothing, don’t trouble yourself,”

“Please Papa?”

“No!” he glared, “Don’t give me anything, its okay!” Matthew said nothing more and left the room. Francis didn’t want him to give him anything. Just him being was enough. With that, Francis grabbed his coat and leave the house without another word. Meanwhile, Matthew was plotting with Alfred and _______.

“I want to give Papa something nice for his birthday,” said Matthew.

“How about you make him a card? Daddy loved his,” said __________

“Nah, he hates cards,”

“How about you make his favorite dinner? I did that last year!” Matthew grinned.

“I can make Crepe Suzette!”

“What’s Crepe Suzette?”

“It’s the most delicious thing ever! Papa loves it but Arite can’t make it the way he likes it and I think I know why,”

“Why?”

“We don’t have the right brandy. I know where to get it though,”

“So why are crepe Suzette made?” Alfred said looking at him.

“You make crepes then you set it on fire,” Alfred’s eyes lit up

“Like with fire?! Actually fire?!”

“Yeah ya hoser!”

“Can I light it?!”

“When I’m finished, I guess,”

“But we still need the brandy,” said _____________

“Don’t worry; I have a plan to get it. We’ll just go to the store and get it. I know where it is. It’s in the section Papa always goes to, where they always sell the alcohol,”

“Oh but how are we going to pay for it?” Matthew went to the dining room table, reached up, and dragged a cookie jar towards him. He brings it down and takes off the lid. Inside, there were bunches and bundles and bills inside ranging from tens to hundreds. _________’s eyes widened. She never saw that much money at one time before.

“Whoa, that’s a lot!”

“Not really, anyway, this is the emergency fund. If we need anything we just take what we need,” said Alfred, “Francis doesn’t really care we take it because it can be replace and crap,” Matthew takes a few twenties and stuffed them in an envelope.

“Come on! Papa is going to come back at four and I want to get this done before then and listen up you two, here’s what we’re going to do,”

***
“NUGH! Oh Francis!”

“FUCK! RIGHT THERE!”

“Spank me Daddy!”

Francis was spending his birthday like most, with empty, meaningless sex, an orgy to be exact. He didn’t mind meaningless fucking but it only the women he fuck could carry a conversation. That’s why he preferred mature women over young girls, unless they gave intelligent conversation. He had a few favorite at the brothel, Bunny, Angela, and Diamond for different reasons. Bunny liked it rough, Angela liked it fast, and Diamond liked going down a lot. Also, they actually had someone intelligent to say once in awhile. He laid there for a few moments gearing up for round three.

“Francis! Aren’t you excited about your birthday?” said Bunny on his chest.

“Please, it’s just step closer to our inevitable end,” said Diamond with his head rested in her lap. He grinned. Diamond really was his favorite.

“How’s that cute little son of yours?” said Angela

“Living,”

“He’s going to be a heartbreaker like his Papa,” said Bunny smiling.

“Betcha he’s beating them off with a stick,”

“Kind of, he has a little playmate that’s always around him. He has a fuckin’ crush on her but won’t admit it,”

“That’s cute,”

“And romantic,” said Diamond, “Childhood sweethearts and shit, then again they’re the ones that kill you in your sleep,” Francis grinned

“Nah, the little girl doesn’t have malicious bone in her little body, she needs to be more assertive and Mathieu is helping her with that,”

“Poor thing, little girls need to be more assertive in this day and age,” said Angela, “Especially with this generation of douches and fuckers around. My ex-boyfriend wanted me to put out more because I worked here. Just because I work where I have to fuck men everyday doesn’t mean that I’m cheap,”

“Fucker,” said Bunny, “I hate that we have to lie about our work. If a man wave his dick around and got paid for it, it’ll be a career and him a fuckin’ hero, but when a woman does it, she’s a slut with daddy issues. I for one don’t have dad issues, I fuckin’ love that old man,”

“My father was around but I had a fuckin’ uncle,” said Diamond, “Sweet man, he’s putting me through college. Speaking of, Francis, what do you know about that trial with that senator?”

“Okay that they found him with the gun that his wife supposedly used to commit suicide,”

“I don’t think she did it,” said Angela.

“Please, he fucked his secretary and she walked in on them. She was probably too slow to draw and his cunt secretary drew his,”

“Not to mention she’s left-handed,” said Francis, “Hard to shoot the right if you’re a lefty,”

“He’s right!”

“You should have been a lawyer, Francis,”

“Nope, then where would I fuck?” they giggled. He smirked as they continued to fuss and preen over him.

***
“Well, Dad’s not the best but he’s my dad, I just really wanna give him someone nice,” Matthew said to the pair, "We all know he can be a big jerk sometimes but yeah, okay here’s the plan, Alfred and you will distract the owners and I’ll grab the brandy,”

__________ swallowed something in her throat as she and Alfred went into the store. She then started her fake crying.

"I WANT MY MOMMY!"

"Calm down will ya!" Alfred barked. The clerk looked at them. _________'s cheeks were red and tear stained and sad looking as she hiccuped and wailed loudly.

"What's the matter kids?"

"We lost our parents and we don't know where and my sister is being really babyish about it!"

"I want DADDY!" the clerk didn't want to send the kids away, that would be cruel. He moved from the counter and went to pat her back and dry her eyes.

"Hey, hey calm down sweetheart," while the clerk was distracted, Alfred moved towards the security camera and pulled some wires making the camera shut off. He gestured Matthew that it was safe. He walked in. The clerk didn't notice because ___________ was breathing hard and he didn't want her getting too worked up, "Come on sweetheart, here let's call your Mom and Dad,"

"I-I don't know my number!" she wailed.

"I do, can we use your phone Mister?" said Alfred. He ushered them to the back. Matthew went to the liquor section and took a bottle of brandy and left an envelope of money. He puts it in his backpack and went to the front. He then started shouting.

"OY! You hosers in here?" Alfred and _________ ran out. The clerk looked at them, "Mom and Dad are waiting next door! Come on! Stop wondering off,"

"Sorry, Other Big Brother" said ___________

"SHE wondered off NOT me!" said Alfred.

"Whatever, come on!" he looked at the clerk, "I'm sorry if they were annoying," And left the liquor store without another word. The clerk was suddenly spooked. Next door to liquor store was a funeral parlor....

***
Francis came home at about three. He went upstairs immediately to make a long shower. He didn’t mind smelling like sex and cigarette smoke but Artie did so he may as well shower and not be ambushed later about it. He sighed as the water smoothed over his muscles and skin. Soon he was finished and retired to his study. If the kids were downstairs, he didn’t want any parts of them unless one of them were dying of course. Meanwhile, the trio were busy with their plan in the kitchen. _________ mixed the sauce while Matthew worked on the batter. Alfred's only task was to make orange juice. He took his bat and laid waste to the oranges happily. Then Matthew started making the crepes. Soon there were about fifteen of them ready to be filled. ___________ filled each one as Alfred rolled them. Then they carefully placed them all in a cast iron pan. Matthew took out the brandy and poured it all over the crepes with orange slices and then they all carefully went upstairs to Francis' study. Alfred had a blow torch ready. ________ positioned the crepes, Matthew knocked on the door, Alfred lighted the crepes, and they all ran downstairs. Francis opened the door to see a blazing sight in front of him. He took a towel and smothered it. He looked in it and saw that there were about fifteen crepes in layers in the pan. He stared at it for a few moments. The childlike way the things were in the pan, the clumsiness of the brandy pour, and not to mention the shoddy arson. He knew this were the children's doing. He couldn't help but smile a bit but immediately shook it off.

"KIDS! GET IN HERE NOW!" they all froze. Matthew and Alfred exchanged glances and the looked at ________, " YOU TOO _____________!" all of them hightailed it up stairs. Francis was sitting at his desk looking at them. Matthew had his cold expression, Alfred has his aloof expression, ________ looked more worried than all of them, "Who made these?" he looked at Alfred.

"We all did," he said, "I set them on fire and smashed the oranges,"

"I made the sauce and filling," said _______________

"And I made the crepes,"

"How were you kids able to buy alcohol?" they looked at him nervously. He looked at them expectantly.

"I did," said Matthew, "It my plan so it's my punishment,"

"Well, we distracted him," said Alfred, "__________ can cry on cue!"

"No I can't! I was thinking about that scene in the Pokemon movie where Ash died!"

"It wasn't that sad!"

"Oh? Then why were you bawling hoser?" said Matthew

"I had something in my eye! She's such a baby!"  

"I'm not! And if you keep teasing me I'm going to knock out your other tooth!"

"I dare you!"

"I'll hold him down for you!" the kids broke into an argument. He growled and rubbed his temples.

“ENOUGH!” they all went quiet, “__________ get me a few plates,” she nodded and ran downstairs, “Alfred get me some milk, I need to talk to Mathieu,” Alfred looked at his brother before running off. Matthew and Francis were alone together. Matthew looked at his father. Francis glared at him for a few moments, “Did you come up with that plan all by yourself?”

“Yes Papa,”

“Did you figure out all of the ways it could go wrong?”

“Yes Papa,”

“Did you have an exit strategy?”

“Yes Papa, have Alfred pretend he was having an asthma attack and then run like hell while the clerk dialed,” Francis couldn’t help but chuckle.

“That’s my boy,” the other two kids brought the items. Francis took out four wine glasses and poured them each a glass of milk (wine for him) and they enjoyed their crepes together. After they were done, he and Alfred did the dishes and Matthew walked _________ back home. He looked at the pair from the window. He was holding her hand. She was beaming at him. Memories of Francine appeared in his mind. He sighed and decided to just take a nap on his couch/ Fuckin’ memories…

***
"Hello Francis!" he looks up. Artie was grinning at him. He rose up and glared at him.

"What?"

"I made something nice for you!"

"...what is it?"

"It's a secret!" Francis hoped to God that it wasn't more sweets. Thanks to those damned kids, he KNEW he was going to have a stomach ache. However, Artie did surprise him. He most likely set up this get up while he was sleeping. It looked just like the old cafe he and Francine used to frequent in Paris, the decor at least. On the table was his favorite dinner, a bottle of red wine, and of course a small cake with a candle. Francis reddens, "Happy birthday Francis!"

"How in the hell did you know about this?"

"Francine told me about this place when I was visiting and well, I thought you would like to see an old place one more time,"

"You're so fuckin' insufferable," he said. Artie smiled. He meekly went over and kissed Francis' cheek. The man reddened despite himself. They then started to eat their meal. Francis talked about what happened earlier that day. Artie chuckled.

"Talk about the Musketeers,"

"More like the three stooges, your son being Curly,"

"Oh leave Alfred alone, you know you love him,"

"More if he fuckin' thinks before he does shit,"

"You be surprised. Alfred is a very spirited boy,"

"I know, he'd be dangerous if he really thought his shit through, then again, that's why I fuckin' like him," Artie smiled, "You did an okay job raising him,"

"Well you helped, er helping,"

"I'm just glad that you're making Matthew feel more at ease, especially since Francine can't speak to him as much as she wants and vice versa,"

"I adore him! He's just so quiet that I sometimes forget he's there, until he's beating the living daylights out of Alfred. But could never actually forget him. He's a tough kid,"

"And that fucking ____________,"

"What's wrong?"

"She's a good kid, with two little shits, but she hasn't turned into a little shit, she's starting to even out their shittery,"

"Francis!"

"It's true!"

"But did you have to saw the sh-word and even making it into a different word! But I thought you liked her and (father's name),"

"I do but I'm just not good around little girls, I'm better with women,"

"Nonsense, if Mattie was a girl, I know you'll be a good male role model," After supper, they relaxed on the couch with a bottle of wine. Artie snuggled in Francis' arms while poured another glass. As much as he would NEVER admit, he loved having Artie on him like this. He reflected a bit. This birthday was one of the best he's had in years. He had his favorite dessert with his sons and semi adopted daughter, fucked three women five times, make them come five times, and now he was sleeping it off with one of his favorite people in the world, "Francis, what are you thinking about?" Francis gently kissed his lips. Artie blushed violently.

"Nothing to worry your pretty little head about,"